“To not speak IS to speak” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
Yet, when I saw Instagram go black, I couldn’t just join in.
Black lives matter. They Matter.
We all have a responsibility to listen and support.
But before I said anything, I paused.
Because I don’t want to let myself off the hook.
I’m no influencer with a platform that reaches millions. But I have a voice. Doesn’t matter if only one person reads this, one is enough.
I couldn’t open my mouth until I had figured out what to do with my OWN prejudice.
There are many ways to show support for what you believe in. Being vocal on social media is one.
I was so tempted to just post, pat myself on the back, call myself a Good Person and that would be it. Go back to normal.
But when expansion happens, there’s nothing to go back to.
I went within. Looking at my own darkness, my prejudice and my fear.
Who do I secretly judge? Who am I afraid to meet?
Where am I withholding love?
Because let’s be frank. We all judge.
Of course there are groups, communities, people who look different than me that I carry judgement towards.
No matter how progressive or open-minded I say I am.
There are people who, when they come close to me, make me flinch or tense up.
There are communities I say the right words about but I am still fearful of actually meeting face to face.
Time to seek out my own discomfort.
I decided on who I’d like to meet. Even though I feel insecure.
I found some organizations... and I’ve kept those tabs up on my computer for more than a week now.
Still hesitant to press send.
I realized that I fear changing my mind:
- What if I meet this person and it leads me to challenge everything I've come to believe this far?
- What if I judge even more than I think I do?
- Will I have to go back on something I’ve said or thought before?
- Will it make me disprove of someone I love?
- Will it make me disagree or feel disbelief for someone I love?
These thoughts, that’s the fear.
Way more than sitting down and having coffee with someone who looks different than me.
I am telling you because I need to hold myself accountable.
I can’t continue posting about songs and music and art… if I don’t go here first.
My next release is a song about revolutions. I wrote it years ago.
It was on my mind after Ukraine. During the protests in Bucharest.
Now I find myself on the sidelines of yet another revolution. Again as the spectator and not within the flames.
And there’s no way I can release that song if I don’t get closer to the heat myself.
If I don’t move the needle on the dark within myself, then everything else - no matter how well meaning - will be lip service.
By saying it out loud I commit today to reach out and challenge my own presumptions.
And I would love to know how this resonated with you. Your thoughts at this time, just in general.
And if you have resources to share, let me know.
Eager to learn more.
Become more.
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What I vow to do & am doing:
#Watch:
“13th” on Netflix
A brilliant documentary, taught me to see the connection between slavery and what’s happening today in the US. Plus how warped their justice/corrections system is. To understand what we see now, this is a good start.
“White right. Meeting the enemy” on https://www.youtube.com/fuuse
By Norwegian filmmaker Deeyah Khan and you can see it for free on Youtube. Deeyah sits down with men that are fascists, racists and “alt-right”. This touched me more than I expected, it touches the core on what Humanity is - I teared up. Please watch.
#Donate/Vote with our wallet
I set up a small monthly donation to Black Lives Matter. If you can’t donate to an organization right now I get it (trust me, I have had no income since the pandemic started). If you can, it’s a sincere way to show support.
#Reaching out one-on-one
This is where bravery comes in.
Setting up a donation, watching a film - yeah, got those down since before. I’ve done that before.
Facing my own prejudice, reaching out to someone I feel insecure about meeting… that’s a whole new thing.
Will keep you posted on how this one goes. Because this is the
blone, for me personally, that matters.
This is the one taking myself out of being a by-stander and INTO the arena.